As a devout travel lover I often can’t resist going on mad rampages telling people about my various excursions overseas. Having been to various Pacific Islands, Australia and Japan I see myself as a reasonably seasoned traveller, despite the fact I can’t navigate an airport and would therefore most likely miss all my flights if I attempted to travel solo. I am probably contradicting myself now, due to the fact todays blog post is on in-flight travel tips:
- If traveling in cattle class, bring appropriate weapons to defend yourself from the savages that travel in this part of the aircraft. You never who you may meet in economy. Being a tall but very skinny person myself, I am at risk of being squashed and having my bones broken if I happen to have two large people on either side of me. To avoid this problem, I recommend frightening them into moving elsewhere. If this fails, abort the mission immediately- Lock yourself in the toilet and refuse to come out for the rest of the flight.
- Don’t forget your luggage (sure you hadn’t thought of that one)
- Make up a sob stories for the cabin crew so they give you extra attention. Things like: ‘I’m an angel but my wings are clipped’ and ‘ I’m lost’ go down a treat.
- Avoid the scrambled eggs at all cost. Its more like scrambled vomit.
- Bring a compass and map of the sea in the event that your seat ejects you james-bond style.
- Be polite and avoid making a scene if the overhead lockers fly open and you are knocked out by falling luggage. There a worse things that could have happened.. like eating vomit or something.
If you follow my simple advice you are sure to have a blast when you reach your destination... Well hopefully there wouldn’t be an actual ‘blast’- that would be awful.
Ben :)
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